Here’s what some of the greatest philosophers and minds had to say about the importance of self-discovery:
“Knowing yourself is the beginning of all wisdom.” - Aristotle
“At the center of your being, you have the answer; you know who you are and you know what you want.” - Lao Tzu
“And you? When will you begin that long journey into yourself?” Rumi “When I discover who I am, I’ll be free.” - Ralph Ellison
“The most difficult thing in life is to know yourself.” - Thales
There are three things extremely hard: steel, a diamond, and to know one’s self.” - Benjamin Franklin
Great advice, yet most of us go our entire lives without taking a time out to get to know ourselves.
Most people will skim through the questions on this list without taking this experience seriously. My challenge to you is to take this exercise very seriously because the positive results it can have in your life, both in your personal and business life, can be super natural.
This is your chance to take a time out and get clear about THE ONLY person you are going to spend every single second of the day with for the rest of your life. To get the most out of life, you need to understand who you are. Whether you’re trying to get the most out of your career, start a business or find happiness in your relationships, it is vital that you know what you are made of and how you became that way.
No one knows or needs to know the answers to these very personal questions. This is a self-discovery questionnaire and it’s no one’s business except your own. Be completely honest as you answer the questions. There is no scoring system – this is about you finding out about you.
Read this before starting the exercise:
- This questionnaire will need an hour of your undivided attention in order to experience the maximum results for a self-discovery.
- Turn off your phone, find a private place and answer the questions without distractions.
- Play soothing music while going through the questions (unless it distracts you). Listening to Moonlight Sonata by Beethoven tends to stimulate the mind while going through the questionnaire.
- Take time at the end of each group of questions to answer the Reflections.
- Take your time and don’t rush, there is no time clock.
- Don’t skim through or skip any questions. It won’t have the same affect. The questions have been grouped together for a reason.
Part 1 - Parents & Family
(include legal guardians or whoever might have raised you growing up)
Describe each of your parents the way you remember them as a child.
How did each of your parents compliment you? What specifically would they say?
Did either or both of your parents criticize you? How?
How were you disciplined at home?
What role did each parent play in disciplining their children and you specifically?
What did each of your parents do for a living?
What role did each parent played in supporting the household finances?
What did your parents want you to be growing up?
What was each of your parents’ main advice to you about life?
How would each of your parents describe the way you were as a child?
Do you know who you’re named after? Is there significance or story to it?
Do you know which parent named you?
How did you feel about your name growing up? How about now?
How did your parents react when things got tough at home?
If you could change one thing about the way your parents raised you, what would it be?
What were some things you were forbidden to do growing up?
Did you end up doing them anyway? Why?
Did either one of your parents let you down growing up? How?
What’s the meanest thing your father or mother has ever said to you?
Is it still lingering in your mind or have you forgiven them?
What’s the meanest thing you’ve ever told your parents?
Is it still lingering in their mind or have they forgiven you?
What were some unspoken rules that you grew up with in your family?
If you are an only child, was this something you appreciated or resented growing up?
Did you ever discuss this with your parents?
How do you think being an only child affected the way you grew up?
Do you have a sibling that you feel your parents secretly favored?
What is your proof for this?
How has this “favored status” affect the relationship between you and your parents?
Where do you rank among your siblings in terms of success?
What is your relationship with each of your siblings today?
What is your relationship with each of your parents today?
Reflection
We come into this world as blank slates and we are shaped in large part by those people who took the responsibility to feed, shelter and raise us. Our life course is set in motion by those who we would call or parents (or other guardian). Write a short letter to each of your parents (dead or alive) that they will never read. Share honest or deeply hidden feelings about your childhood experience and the role they played in those primary years of your life. This is not a birthday card – write down real thoughts and real insights into how you felt they did in their job of raising you as a child.
Part 2 - Youth and Coming of Age
What’s the earliest memory you have of yourself as a child?
How did you view life when you were young?
Do you remember an incident as a child that caused you to never do something, say something or feel something ever again?
How has that incident affected the way you’ve dealt with issues in your life?
What’s your interpretation of your parent’s relationship when you were young?
How did you get along with your teachers in elementary and middle school?
Did that change in high school?
What kind of teachers did you have an easy time getting along with?
What kind of teachers did you have a hard time getting along with?
Was it easy or hard for you to make friends?
How would you describe yourself in high school? Were you a Bully, Jock, Nerd, Lady Killer, Fighter, Loner, Athlete, Straight-A Student, Pothead, Rocker, Gangster?
Were you a combination of some of these?
When was your first experience with drugs in your youth?
Do you still dodrugs?
How do you think it has affected the way you are as an adult today?
What was your favorite book or story growing up?
How did that book or story influence the way you viewed theworld?
Does it still influence you?
What was your favorite TV show or movie growing up?
How did that TV show or movie influence the way you viewed the world?
Does it still influence you?
Who was your favorite band growing up?
How did that band influence the way you viewed the world?
Are you still a fan of that band and/or that type of music?
At what age did you have your first sexual experience?
Was it bad or was it bad?
What do you remember about it?
Has it affected the way you view sex as an adult?
Who was your hero as a teenager and why?
What role did sports play in your life as a child/teenager?
Was it something you liked or was it forced on you?
What are the best and worst memories you have about playing sports?
What role did religion play in your life as a child/teenager?
Was it something you liked or was it forced on you?
How did it impact the kind of person you were?
Are you part of organized religion today?
If you could give any advice to the 14-year-old YOU, what would it be?
Reflection
Growing up can be both the best of times and the worst of times, and who we are as a teenager is rarely the same as who we are as adults. For this Reflection, think back to the person you were when you graduated from high school. In fact, if you can, pull out your last yearbook and read over the messages from the people who signed your yearbook.
Journal your answer to the following: How close are you today to the person you were in high school? How does who you are now compare to what people thought of you back then? If you were a “Most Likely to...”, how did you live up to those expectations? Overall do you feel that you exceeded or fell short of people’s expectations of you since high school?
Part 3 - Life Perceptions, Relationships & Emotions
What kinds of feelings bother you the most? Why is that?
How easy is it for you to trust someone? What are your top three insecurities?
How have they affected you as an adult? What was the situation surrounding a time you had your heart broken? (If ever) How did this affect your life?
What five life changing events have impacted your identity the most?
Do you have a tendency of feeling sorry for yourself?
Why do you think this is?
Fill in this sentence: “If I only I would’ve been_ .” How do you react to tough times?
How do you deal with authority? Is it easy or hard?
Are you able to stay in long-term relationships or do you get bored very quickly?
What happens to your body when you get nervous?
Which quality about people do you hate the most?
Why do you think this is?
Which quality about people do you love the most?
Why do you think this is?
What do you like and dislike about yourself?
How and when do you expect to die?
What makes you believe that?
How do you feel toward people in general?
Do people annoy you?
If yes, why?
How do you think you annoy people?
Do you catch yourself being happy one minute and miserable the next?
What would you say is unique about you? Do you generally get upset when people don’t do as you tell them to do?
What is your biggest problem in life that keeps popping up?
Name a time where you’ve experienced the power of the following
feelings:
Happiness:
Anger:
Sadness:
Depression:
Being
Unloved:
Being Loved:
What is the worst thing that’s happened in your life so far?
What is the best thing that’s happened in your life so far?
Who are the three people in the world that you secretly can’t stand andwhy?
Do you have any common qualities as one of these people?
Do you envy something about any of these people?
Do people generally like you? Why do you think that is?
Reflection
One of the best things about growing older is the ability to look at your life as a mature adult and take stock of the kind of person you are. If you’ve completed the Ultimate Questionnaire this far, you’ve likely seen some patterns in your life and hopefully gleaned some insights into the kind of person you are. For this Reflection, review your answers and take some time to answer these three serious questions:
What kind of person are you?
What do you think others think of you?
If you could change anything about yourself, what would it be?
Part 4 - Leadership & Politics
Do you have an easy time looking into people’s eyes?
How do you feel about competition?
Do you think you would make a leader worth following? Or are you more a loyal follower?
What’s your evidence for either choice?
What would be the one award/trophy/distinction you would be honored to earn?
Do you have an easier time doing business with men or women?
Do you believe money is the root of all evil?
How do you view rich people?
How do you view poor people?
How do you think you arrived at these views?
Do you secretly hope certain people fail in life? If so, why?
Would you consider yourself hard working or lazy? (Be honest. You don’t get any brownie points here!)
How do you view hard working people?
How do you justify your own lack of work ethic? (Yes, this question may hurt a little.)
Are you comfortable making tough decisions or would you rather play in the middle in order to not offend anyone?
Do you consider yourself political?
Which way do you lean politically when it comes down to the economy?
Which way do you lean politically when it comes down tosocial issues?
Were there any life changing events that influenced how you lean politically?
Which form of economy do you prefer the most?
Capitalism (An economic system in which a country's trade and industry are controlled by private owners for profit, rather than the government)
Socialism (Wealth and income should be shared more equally among people)
Communism (No private ownership of property should be allowed)
What do you think is the difference between treating people fairly or treating them equally?
Do you think world peace can exist? Why?
Reflection
Our life experiences help shape what we perceive as good leadership and the kind of leadership we look for both at work and in our national leaders. For this Refection, take a minute to examine two types of leaders. First, grade the best and worst bosses you’ve ever had (A, B+, C-, etc.), and then describe those leadership qualities he/she either demonstrated or failed to demonstrate. Second, look at politicians you’ve voted for in recent elections (either on a state or federal level) and give them a similar grade. Likewise, now in retrospective, list those leadership qualities he or she showed or didn’t show.
Part 5 – Aspirations
If there was a worthy cause you’d be willing to give your life for, what would it be?
Is there anything you would want to change in the world for the better?
How do you see yourself making an impact in the world?
What three books have influenced the way you view the world?
Who recommended the books to you?
How have the books impacted the way you view the world?
Would you rather be: A worried genius or a joyful simpleton?
What’s your greatest fear?
Has it ever come true?
What do you think will happen after you die?
What’s the one question you have the hardest time getting the answer to?
What are your biggest regrets in life?
How would you have handled it differently?
What is the number one thing on your current “bucket list”?
Reflection
For the last Reflection, try to identify your current cause – the thing that drives your day-to-day existence? What makes you wake up every day?
In order to do that you’ll need to do the following:
Make a list of habits, mindsets, experiences and things that you love, hate and that bother you.
What Bothers me:
I can’t stand lazypeople.
I can’t stand people who brag about how much money they have.
ItbothersmewhenIhearaboutawomengettinghitbyher husband.
WhatIlove:
I love animals.
I love the beach.
I love traveling.
I love helping people.
I love leading people.
WhatIHate:
I hate greedy people.
I hate seeing homelesspeople.
I hate seeing marriages not work out.
I hate seeing people struggle financially.
Once you’re done adding things to each list, narrow it down to your top three of each. Once you narrow it down to your nine emotions rank them again to determine your top three. The top three emotions are unique to you. Those who end up having great careers in life that they enjoy are those who learn how to add their top three emotions to the everyday part of their careers. Once you learn how to do that your career not only becomes rewarding but more importantly it fulfills your calling that you have with your life which brings out the best in you. Start with your list now:
What bothers you?
What do you love?
What do you hate?